Chareidim & Us
Dancing Around a
Coffin: Charedim & Us
by Rabbi Perry
Tirschwell
I travelled back 200 years in time in thirty
minutes two weeks ago.
My dearly departed father was a
committed Conservative Jew whose best friend was a Skvira Chassid. What began
as a business relationship developed into an unlikely yedidim k’nafshiim
friendship. They took trips to Israel together and bought cars together. My
father ordered New Square’s first New York Times subscription for him, and he
left a bag of challahs and cake on our doorstep every Friday afternoon. He and
his wife came to our simchas, and my parents went to the simchas of their 15
children. They are truly special people- modest, intelligent, welcoming and
caring.
When I got the call that this chassid’s
brother died, I quickly drove (on an hour’s notice- in New Square they take
kavod hameis very seriously) to New Square for the funeral.
Though only thirty minutes from Teaneck,
New Square is a parallel universe. There are blue signs along the sidewalks on one
side of the street (for men), and pink signs on the other side. Women who live
in New Square are not allowed to drive (Saudi Arabia’s policy change hasn’t
made it to Rockland County yet). The language spoken and most of the signs are
in Yiddish. All the men are dressed in black and white chassidish garb. There
are few outsiders- there’s only one road in and out of New Square.
It was a VERY different type of funeral.
Though the ground was covered with three inches of newly fallen snow and the
temperature was 30 degrees, everyone gathered on the sidewalk in front of the
huge Beis Medrash around the casket. After just a Keil Maleh prayer for the
deceased without any eulogies, eight men put the casket on their shoulders and
began walking in the snow, in between houses, to the cemetery (with about 100
men in tow). A short stop was made in front of the home of the deceased, where
the female mourners came out to pay their respects.
When the funeral procession arrived at the
cemetery, the casket was placed on a stand, and a washing cup was placed on top
of it. Then a fellow yelled out “hakafos.” Men started running silently, arm in
arm around the casket. After going around the casket once, they stopped; the
fellow would then count out the number of the next hakafah, and they repeated
this process a total of seven times. As they did this, men (there were no women
at the cemetery) threw coins over their heads, trying to get them into the
washing cup. When I asked what was going on, one of the chassidim told me that
it was kabbalistic.
I must admit that I felt like I was in a
Star Trek episode where the Enterprise encounters humans whose ancestors had
left Earth generations ago and developed very differently.
However, before I left New Square, I was
reminded that these men and I are on the same page, literally.
After the funeral, I davened mincha in
the huge New Square Beis Medrash. A fellow was distributing flyers about Daf Yomi
starting Mesechet Avodah Zara that day. Some of it was in Yiddish, but the
excitement about the new tractate was palpable. “Finish it 2 days early and
make a siyum on Erev Pesach for the first borns your life”, it proclaimed. I
had taken out my Mesechet Avodah Zara earlier that day.
My rebbe Rav Aharon Lichtenstein
reminded us that we instinctively feel that we have more in common with non-observant
Jews. They dress like us and surf the internet like us- they literally and
figuratively speak the same language. Some of us grew up in that world, and
most of us work in that world. We participate together in our Jewish
Federations, and we will celebrate Israel’s 70th anniversary
together this spring.
However, Rav Lichtenstein reminded us,
our Chareidi brethren “learn the same Tosfosim as us.” Their daily schedule
revolves around minyanim like ours, their weekly schedule revolves around
Shabbos, and their annual calendar is based on similar preparations and celebrations
for yamim tovim. Most of the sefarim in their homes are the same as ours, and like
us, they go to great lengths to inspire their children to be shomrei Torah umitzvot.
We are annoyed, and at times downright
disgusted, about the latest news from Israel; anti-army registration protests
blocking the roads, the Kotel controversy, politics battles over convenience
stores open on Shabbos, Who is a Jew, Who is a Rabbi, etc.
Kol Yisroel Areivim Zeh bZeh is not just
a kiruv slogan. It informs our relationship with our brothers and sisters to the
right as well. It’s critical that we convey this message to our children, grandchildren
and students. It’s appropriate to verbalize
“Chillul Hashem” in front of children when we see obviously frum people in
handcuffs on the news. We must also say “Kiddush Hashem” when we see Chareidim
do extraordinarily kind, upstanding or pious acts.
What unites all observant Jews is
greater than what divides us.
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